I help people where sometime, something big in their lives got broken down. What got torn, was the bond that we all need and desire between us and our parent/primary caregiver. This is a big deal! The result as adults, is a struggle with relationships, (whether it be your family, romantic or friendships), We may feel empty, insecure and lonely in relationships, or has it been difficult to maintain relationships. Usually, this occurs because we feel sad, lonely, insignificant, or devalued within ourselves. We then try and try to get that filled with other relationships. Unresolved childhood attachment difficulties leave us as adults vulnerable to problems in forming secure relationships. New relationships are based on past experiences. If an adult does not feel safe with a partner, in marriage or dating, you may feel overly insecure and clingy, or withdraw, push them away, and rejecting.
Attachment is the ability to develop emotional bonds full of meaning, empathy, contentment, and compassion. The relationship feels stable, secure, and connecting, knowing that your needs will be met. Good healthy attachments develop through interactions with our primary caregiver/parent. It doesn’t just begin at birth, but is on a continuum that begins in utero and continues after we are born and through our first 5 years. If all goes well, as a newborn/infant/child, we develop and attach quite securely to others. As adults, we feel good about who we are, have a sense of self-worth and value, and also in relationship with others.
There are times when even the most loving parenting misses the ability to meet the child’s needs, due to a number of reasons. The outcome of this happening repeatedly is that, as you grow older, you may have a more difficult time with relationships. For some people they may avoid relationships just when some closeness begins to develop.
Sometimes there is a feeling that creeps up that feels too scary, smothering or rejecting, and so you may pull back in the relationship. Other times, you may feel insecure in relationships, desiring closeness, but feeling a sense of insecurity, loss or emptiness. These feelings and patterns get repeated in various relationships and you may not know why. If either of these characteristics ring true for you, you may have unresolved attachment styles. Therapy can help identify the type of attachment styles you use to protect yourself from the pain and hurt you experienced when you were young and work toward healthier, more satisfying, secure relationships.
Call Debi Circle (303) 514-4732 or click here to contact me.
Come in for Compassion, Leave with Confidence